We all want to be loved by our parents. We all have that deep-seated yearning for their affection and approval. It's hardwired into our nature. But, unfortunately, I've never known a single person who's had this desire fully satisfied. Everyone walks around with dull aches and sharp pains from their mom or their dad. Even the best parents make mistakes. I myself had some of the best ones I've ever heard of, but still found my heart aching at certain longings, thoughts, and memories. This part of our self hugely affects the way we develop and function as adults. That may be why psychologists and counselors often explore child/parent relationships when searching for the root of many dysfunctions.
I have a theory that parents aren’t supposed to be parents forever. In fact, the job of a parent is to raise their child up to know and receive their true Eternal Parent, God the Father, into the parental place in their heart. This is the whole reason Jesus came to earth from Heaven; to connect us into a right relationship with our True and forever Heavenly Father. That's why Jesus said, "I won't leave you as orphans when I go, but I will send you my Holy Spirit" (John 14:15-18).
A couple years ago, I found bitterness in my self harbored toward my Dad for missed time together in my childhood. He was a chiefly servant-hearted man focused on working hard at several jobs to provide for his family; a common story among children of loving parents. But a side-effect of his provision focus was that we missed out on a plethora of experiences and times together. Over time, I grew up and went off to college. When I'd come back over summer break the ache of our underdeveloped relationship would rear up and shout at me every time we were in a room together. I brought this up with him and we made an effort to take more time for each other with occasional father/son dates. We slowly grew our friendship, but I still felt a tinge of bitterness for time lost early on with my Dad.
That's when I started asking God what to do about the pain. I felt him say, "Take your hurts to me and let me Father you in those places. This is when I started calling God 'Dad' instead of Father. He wanted to fill that Daddy spot in my heart. As I called Him Dad, He felt more and more like my Papa Dad instead of just 'God'. When I took my pains to Him, asking what He thought about them, He'd wash me with His loving words, calling me son and showing me those hurts from His perspective. I saw my own Dad with more understanding of his history, with more sympathy and love. After a good long while of that I decided to let go of those hurts and not hold onto any bitterness towards him for them, but to take him as he was with gratefulness for what we have in the present, focusing on building the relationship I longed for instead of dwelling on the past.
I was letting the Great Father take His rightful place in my heart and letting my sweet earthly Dad become a friend along the road. I can't tell you what wonders its done for my relationships with both of them!
